Hands behind your back. Put your cigarette out. Put it out. Put your cigarette out. Welcome back, guys. Today we find ourselves in sunny Florida courtesy of Deputy Deadpan, where this particular neighborhood wanderer, let's call him Starfruit Sam, finds out the hard way that offering tropical produce doesn't quite grant you immunity from a porch piracy investigation. Right, let's get into it. How's it going? Not a whole lot. What's up? Can you be able to help me out? All right. So, the some people here are saying that you were up on somebody's couple people's doors taking packages. You know anything about that? Me? Yeah. That's unlikely. Unlikely? Extremely unlikely. Why is it extremely unlikely? I'm disabled. I can barely even walk. Okay. Were you not out here walking around or anything like that to Earlier I asked the woman over there if she wanted some starfruit. Would you like some? No, I'm good. That's all I did. I walked over there, talked to that uh picked out brown lady over there. I I don't have my glasses. I think she was sitting over there. Mhm. I walked by her house. I said, "Do you would you like some starfruit?" She said, "No." I said, "Okay." You just What made you go to her? No, I I don't want starfruit. I'm just trying to get these starfruits eaten by somebody. You just strategically for one whatever reason just went over to random houses asking random people for I I saw her sitting out there by that chair and I walked and lumbered over there. I walked to that that sidewalk area at the early seat. Mhm. Where that guy uh your officer friend the officer there standing. Okay. I I asked him, "Would you like some starfruit?" That's all I did. I walked back, sat down. Did you go inside of anybody's houses or anything like that? I never do that. >> Okay. Do you have an ID card with you or a driver's license? Yeah, why? I was asking if I could see it real quick. Well, I have not committed any crime. >> Actually, you're the classic I haven't committed a crime, so I don't need an ID defense. Unfortunately for Sam, Florida is a stop and identify state when an officer has reasonable suspicion you're up to no good. Like say multiple neighbors reporting you snatching packages. Let's see how well his alternative legal theories hold up against reality. Fact that I've committed a crime, so now I'm asking Now I'm a suspect? Yep, you are. >> That's beautiful. So, I need your ID. All right, that's a beautiful nightmare. You got to hold on now. Would you like some starfruit? No, we want your ID like I asked you for. >> Okay, we'll work on that. Got to get up. Okay, I told you Where is it at? It's in my house. All right, don't worry about it. Just give this officer your name then. Good work. What a nightmare. No, it's if you didn't do anything wrong, it won't be a nightmare. We'll be out of your hair. What if I did nothing? Yeah. Okay, sir, what's your first You know I'm out here smoking some smokes and this is the same thing over and over. All right. Starfruit. And I'm not stealing packages. Okay. Sir, what's your first name? Angel. What is it? You're Floridian and you still don't know how to speak Spanish. Okay. Yeah, no, is the is the proper we speak English here. So, primary language in our country. So, yeah. Can you spell it for me? Spell it out for the officer. A N G E L. V I L M O Can you spell it for me? Pancho Villa and then M O R. Okay, he's asking you to spell it with like like actual >> Look, you know how Pancho Villa's name is No, I don't. If you just tell him the A B C D's and he'll really write it down. Where did you go to school? Okay. >> Yeah, we're all stupid, so. Uh did did you guys even graduate three years of college? Give us the spelling of your name now. Villa Amor. Can you spell it for me? Like Pancho Villa. Spell your name. I'm not playing games with you. >> Look at Deputy Deadpan, completely unbothered, patient as a saint. Although, that patience definitely has a limit. Meanwhile, Starfruit Sam is about to turn a simple request for his first name into an aggressively weird geography [music] lesson. You'd think four years of college would teach a bloke how to spell his own name without causing a scene, but here we are. Give him the number the letters of his name. You're being so aggressive looking. Hold on. I'm not going to play games with you. You going to take me to jail? I might, depending on how this goes. Give the deputy your name. Take me to jail then. Are you going to give me your name or not? Put your hands behind your back. Put your cigarette out. Put it out. Okay. Put your cigarette out. All right, then. Put your hands behind your back. All right, break down you bastard. I've You dirty bastards, why are you arresting me for nothing? Yeah, okay. Arrested for nothing, huh? And I can't even call my family even, huh? Here is where a normal person reconsiders. The officer has been patient, the warnings have been issued, and what happens next is entirely this man's own doing. Right, slow motion time. Because the exact moment a man realizes his sovereign wordplay isn't going to stop the handcuffs deserves to be appreciated [music] frame by frame. Pay attention to the cigarette. Central 218. I wanted a thing. They caught me for nothing. I've done nothing. >> Yeah, okay. Find that one out. Let's go. You you plumbers. These are two of them. Bombaclat. >> [groaning] >> I can't believe how How easy it was to spell your name and then answer questions that you don't want to answer anymore? Why? I'm not I I've not committed a crime. >> Yeah, then you just tell me you didn't commit a crime and you'd be able to tell me about it, but you don't want to do that or provide your name. So, go to jail. >> you're wasting your taxpayers' money. That's all put in your hands. >> That doesn't even make sense, but okay. No. Taxpayer money wasted on innocent people getting arrested for no reason. Yeah, that's what we do. Take innocent people to jail for no reason. Okay, you have key inside? Yeah, of course it's inside. Can we go get it? You cannot No, you cannot. Then we're not locking the door cuz I don't have rights if not like that. I don't have the same. I got nothing to steal. I have nothing to steal. Don't steal it on me. Just answer the >> or nothing to do with your nonsense. He don't want to give his name, so he's going to go anyway, so. Take this away, you crazy nuts. This is what they will do to you. Did you You're not suspected of having a crime. They suspect and no real information. >> Milton? They didn't have anything? Or did somebody go in? >> No one has any clue here. Okay. Okay. Go ahead, you're going to take me to jail. Let's Let's put it before the judge, you crazy nuts. The pirates. Well, that's a new one. I suppose it's a nice little nautical nod to admiralty law, even if we are standing quite firmly on a residential driveway. And there's the grand demand to take it to the judge. Timestamp that for me. We'll revisit it when the judge inevitably shares Deputy Deadpan's complete lack of amusement. The hell with you pirates. You're not going to make any money here. This I tell you. You're only just wasting a old man's time. >> got to do is give your name. That's it. But you guys silly. You want to play games, not tell the deputy Yeah, okay. I'm not playing a game and I'm not doing the deal either. >> It's too easy to just put together The hell with you. I'll take it to the jail. I'll talk to the door. >> Yeah, okay. Isn't Isn't Isn't that what they say there? I don't know. There's the vehicle. Come on, let's walk toward there. I got a bad back and I'm dealing with what I can. The maniacs I'm dealing with. Carpetbaggers. Oh, there's the vehicle. Come on. No, that's not the vehicle. Which is the one then? This one. Then let's walk to the door, please. >> I'll tell you which door we're going to walk to. You maniacs. Make an old man suffer more, huh? Okay, can you please the vehicle? You have anything in your pockets there? Of course I have nothing in my pockets. >> Okay, spread your feet. Maniacs. Come on, officer friendlies. This is how they ruin America, huh? Yeah, I've seen it happen to others. Myself included now, huh? Just cuz we got a little long hair, don't look like appetizing nonconformist, whatever. You know what? Maniacs. There's nothing here, man. >> [groaning] >> You're going to find nothing but a belt, pants, and Okay, like I said, it was too easy to give the deputy your name, but you don't want to do that. Whatever. We'll take it to the judge cuz you guys want all your clarifications. All the investigations for in in He's The neighbor said he was going back and forth going taking property. He lives over here somewhere, doesn't he? No, he lives right over here. No, I was sitting on my chair smoking a cigarette. So, I said, "Hey, can I can can I see your ID?" blah blah blah blah blah blah. Why? What do you want? I'm giving starfruit. I provide you didn't go in anyone's house, nothing. The guy's identifying him being out there. He's gone into people's houses and get packages. Okay, so he's suspected of a theft. Hey, hey, put him in the car. I don't really want to listen to Yeah. You would never be a in Norway. Sir? Irrelevant. Watch your head. The monkeys. I don't have a seatbelt on. I don't want to die in your dumb ass vehicle before it gets blown. Yeah, I'm a crazy driver, so. Yeah, you're all nuts, believe me. They're all crazy out here. Look at me sitting in this now for nothing. Smoking a cigarette. And here we come. So, put him in the door. Just please provide us your name. And he starts like saying it in Spanish and I'm like, "You need to write this actual spelling of your name." Right, I said you need to go to spell your name and he just wants to keep driving on. I'm like, "Stop playing games. Provide the deputy your name and spell it out." And he's like, "Well, we'll just [ __ ] take me to jail. I'm not telling shit." I'm like, "Okay." I got to take you in. So, put him in a giant John Doe function. That's exactly what I did. Cool. So, that's where he lives. And the thing is is originally I was sitting here and just kind of watching. And there was a lady on the far sidewalk right there. Um she was sweeping her porch. She was sitting in the chair talking to me. And he's here with fast walking toward her and it got scary. So, she ran inside and slammed in door and I I sat there for a minute and just kept watching him. So I kind of watched out of my peripherals and then he walked across to the other neighbor and he's going through all of her stuff and you know, I I don't know if he knows her or something and all of a sudden he grabbed a handful of stuff. He grabbed that handful of stuff and then walked back to his house and I snapped a picture of him. Could you tell what he grabbed? I couldn't really tell. I was trying to look at the photo right here as you guys came up. What's up? Did you have a package out here or anything earlier today? >> No. No, you weren't supposed to? No, I didn't. Are you missing anything from your No, I didn't. I don't I I guess somebody else did. I didn't. >> But you weren't missing anything? You got nothing missing? I I don't notice anything. >> Okay. All right. All right. Okay, we're just making sure. Sorry. You're no, you're fine. You're fine. We're just making sure we had a neighbor over here say he saw this guy grab some stuff off of the porch. So we want to make sure it wasn't your porch. Make sure you got everything you're supposed to have. Yeah, I mean I just got home, so. Okay. All right, you're not missing anything then. Thank you. I'm sorry. No worries. Thank you. How'dy, sir. So you for sure it's the one just on the other side of those bushes with the bicycles and stuff? Yeah. Is it on The left side. The left side? >> You'll see the white fence. So I talked to her. She said she there's nothing missing off her porch. Nothing She didn't have anything. She wasn't expecting anything. Everything that's supposed to be there is still there. Okay. So that's what she said. The other deputy talked to the lady down here at the end. She said she was same thing. She just kind of nothing She didn't want to say anything. She didn't want to say anything. So Unfortunately we can't force the issue. Yeah. If they don't want to say anything, you know, the victim can't you know, they can choose to report or not. So >> Yeah, yeah, I'm As of right now we're talking to the guy but so what I can do for you, we can document what's going on. Yeah, that's basically what the officer asked us. And then from there just kind of do what you got to do, all right? Yeah, yeah, this thing is I just want to make sure everybody's safe and and I was fine. Like it's fine if he's walking around and in people's yards but the fact that he was inside her house roaming around is like I got three kids. >> And that's we need to have people call us when this stuff like that happens. >> and that's she's an older lady and she's like I don't want to get involved and all Does somebody else live there with her? Yeah, she said luckily her grandson was there cuz she he forced him out. Okay. And and that's just the wild part is like I know she doesn't want to say nothing but then what if it's somebody else? Right. Like and that's what concerned me. Like at first what caught my attention is he was like heading towards that one lady and she slammed the door like he's already been there before to try to do this. Okay. You know, like she knew what he was about to do and it's like And then when she when she walked away and he went to somebody else's house it was like >> [clears throat] >> Something's going on. Yeah, concerning point. All right, maybe I'll try to talk to her and see what she what she has going on. But I appreciate you. Yeah, no problem. Don't worry. >> bring you a case number over in just a second, all right? All right, I appreciate it, sir. Thank you. Yep. He ended up taking a ride to the county jail for resisting without violence and loitering and prowling which as it turns out is exactly what happens when your sovereign immunity theory meets a very tired Florida deputy. Anyway, thank you so much for watching, guys. If you enjoyed this one, leave a like, share it and subscribe. See you in the next one.