Uh, the position I am applying for today is chief of police of the town of Mountaire, New Mexico. >> At what point in the process do I get the gun? >> Uh, probably the date one. >> Do I get a taser as well? >> Yes. >> Could I carry two guns instead? >> That'll be your option. >> As many of you know, my mama's been trying to kick me out. 38 years old and I've been living in my mom's basement quite a while. Mom told me, "You don't get out and fill out some job applications, you you was out." And I said, "Mom, I don't know. I ain't never applied for no job." Uh, the position I am applying for today is chief of police of the town of Mountaire, New Mexico. So, the truth is, a lot of people don't know this, but I haven't always been an unsuccessful YouTuber. I actually used to be an unsuccessful Twitch streamer. So, my mom was going to kick me out of the house if I didn't get a job, and I didn't know what kind of work to do. And so I asked my mom, I said, you know, "Mom, what do you think I'd be good at?" And my mom was like, "Well, you're a real piece of [ __ ] so maybe you should become a cop." I didn't know how to read and write. And I said, "Mom, don't you think that'll be a requirement to become a police officer?" And she said, "You know, son, based on the videos I've seen online, highly unlikely." And I told her, I said, "Mom, but gosh, what you sure that I'd be qualified for that?" And she says, "Yeah, you know, you you have everything you need. you know, a short fuse, a hot temper, an inability to read, write, or comprehend much of anything. You know, you're a real piece of [ __ ] You're not very smart, but you're good at hurting people. Um, you'd be you're perfectly qualified, son. And I said, "Wow, Mom. Thanks." I'm actually waiting right now to head in in just a few minutes here to fill out an application here. They're getting somebody to help me. I'm going to need help filling out the application since I'm not a real good reader and writer. Mama wrote me a letter of recommendation and everything. So, I got a letter of recommendation from my mama. We're just waiting on the HR guy to help me fill out the application and whatnot. I'll let you guys know if I get the job, y'all. >> How are you, man? Doing you >> doing good. I'm going to be real excited to be the chief police out here. >> Yeah. >> And do you have a like a a referral? >> Uh yeah, I do. I got this is a letter of recommendation. It's from my mom. >> Okay. Yeah, I can rip that off and you can I'll take a photo of you. >> Okay. I that's fine. Um I'm not as good at reading and writing, so she kind of wrote down my positive attributes there. >> Reliable. When I when I show up, I'm pretty reliable. >> When you show up? >> Yeah. Like like onethird of the time. >> Thank you, sir. >> Getting your desired salad. desired salary. >> Um, well, I don't know. >> You want to go over starting? >> Yeah. I guess my mom didn't tell me what I should say for that. >> It's um 54,80. >> Woo. I never made that much money before. 54,80. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I'll take it, man. >> When are you available for work? >> I can start tomorrow as long as I don't drink tonight. >> Chief. >> Yeah. >> Okay. a special skill certification and licenses. You got like typing speed or software programs, you know? >> I've got some special skills that would probably make me >> a good fit for the job. I am I'm willing to shoot anybody. Uh women, children, grandmas, I will shoot anyone for officer safety. No, I mean no limits. for officer safety, I'd shoot a baby. I think that's something that really makes me stand out for the position. Um, I do have uh sudden uncontrollable violent outbursts and a lot of times those are like I mean I almost black out, you know what I mean? Like I don't even know what I'm doing and I just be hurting people. That's that's probably a couple pretty good ones there. >> So >> cool. So that's it with the application. We'll need you to sign it, but uh >> there's also the background check. >> Okay. You know, I probably should have asked this before we started. Um, but I did have some questions to ask you if that's okay. >> Yeah, if I have the answers, I can answer them. >> Um, how much do I get paid for doing the application? >> No. >> Oh, there's no pay for that? >> No, there's no pay for doing the application. Damn. Shoot. I was hoping to go home with money in my pocket today by buy a tall boy or something. You know what I mean? >> Well, all right. Um, when will I know if I got hired? >> Uh, we'll well, we have to run you through the console. First, we have to process this to see if you even qualify cuz we got if you meet the minimum qualifications, then they can process you even further. >> Okay. >> I'm pretty sure I got this in the bag. >> Yeah, the soonest would be the fifth. >> That soonest possibility. >> Okay. >> Um, so the other thing is like I I think I told you earlier, my mom told me I need to get a job. I'm kicked out of the basement. Um, is there any chance that I could get my first check a little early? >> No, we typically don't do that. >> Okay. >> And also, I I don't have a bank account since I told you I don't use that social security number. Is there any way that you guys could pay me in either cash or weed? >> No, we'd have to do it'd have to go through our books. So, our books would pro require either a direct deposit or a check. >> All right. Could I have the check cut to you and you just buy weed to punch you? >> Okay. >> Um, >> if I get hired, do I get a car? >> Yes. >> Do I Um, at what point in the process >> do I get the gum? >> Uh, probably the day one. >> Day one. Yeah. Like like today? >> Well, no. Day one after you get hired. >> Get sworn in. >> Okay. After. So, not after I fill out the application. >> No, no, after you get sworn in. >> Okay. Um, Do you do do I get a taser as well? >> Yes. >> Okay. So, that's something I'm I'm probably going to have an issue with and I'll just bring it up right now so that it's kind of out in the open. I'm not a big fan of tasers. >> Okay. Well, as a chief of police, that'll be your option. >> Okay. So, I don't have to carry the taser. No. >> Could I carry two guns instead? >> That would be your option. >> One on each side. >> Yeah, that would be option. >> Okay. >> I believe I mean we would have to I don't manage that department. The department head does, but the chief police assistant department head. So he would create his own policies to He wants to carry two guys. >> So I I can make my own my own rules about it. >> Yeah. You still have to run all policies to council. >> Oh, okay. >> Well, I hate that. Yeah. >> I just want to do what I want to do. >> Yeah. >> I remember going home that day and just feeling like a million bucks. I mean, I knew I had this job in the bag. And a day went by and they didn't call me back. A week went by, they didn't call me back. A month went by, they didn't call me back. And I started to realize that that for some reason they weren't going to call me. >> And that broke me. Um, I had spent, you know, most of my life [Music] >> trying to become the piece of [ __ ] that I needed to be >> to get this job >> and I didn't get it. So, while the threshold and the expectations to become a police officer are incredibly low, um I guess I couldn't even meet those standards. And so, I knew I needed to get into something that had absolutely no standards whatsoever. Uh so, I went down to my local welfare office. I got myself a free governmentissued cell phone and I became a First Amendment auditor. And the cool thing about being a First Amendment auditor is that nobody can tell you that you're not, right? Because it's a lot like gender identity. You identify as a certain thing and so nobody can tell you that you're not. And so since then, I've actually really come up in the world. I'm no longer living in my mom's basement. I actually uh kicked her out of the master bedroom. I took it and sent her to Mom, quiet. I'm trying to make a video.