[Music] policemen a policeman is a composite of what old men are I guess a mingling of Saint and sinner dust and deity called statistics wave the fan over stinkers underscore instances of dishonesty and brutality because they are news what that really means is that they are exceptional they are unusual they are not commonplace buried under the froth is the fact and the fact is that less than 1 half of 1% of policemen Misfit that uniform and that is a better average than you'd find among clergy [Music] men what is a policeman he of all men is at once the most needed and the most wanted a strangely nameless creature who is Sir to his face and pig or Worse behind his back [Music] he must be such a diplomat that he can settle differences between individuals so that each will think he won but if a policeman is neat he's conceited if he's careless he's a bum if he's Pleasant he's a flirt if he's not he's a grouch he must make instant decisions which would require months for a lawyer but if he hurries he's careless if he's deliberate he's lazy he must be first to an accident infallible with a diagnosis he must be able to start breathing stop bleeding tie splints and above all be sure the victim goes home without a limp or expect to be sued the police officer must know every gun draw on the run and hit where it doesn't hurt he must be able to whip Two Men twice his size and half his age without damaging his uniform and without being brutal if you hit him he's a coward if he hits you he's a bully a policeman must know everything and not tell he must know where all of the sin is and not partake the policeman from a single human hair must be able to describe the crime the weapon the criminal and tell you where the criminal is hiding but if he catches the criminal he's lucky if he doesn't he's a dunce if he gets promoted he has political pool if he doesn't he's a Dollard the policeman must Chase bum leads to a dead end stake out 10 nights to tag one witness who saw it happen but refuses to remember he runs files and writes reports until his eyes ache to build a case against some felon who will get dealed out by a Shameless Sheamus or an honorable who isn't honorable the policeman must be a minister a social worker a diplomat a tough guy and a gentle man and of course he'll have to be a genius because he'll have to feed a family on a policeman's salary [Music]