They call me Mr. Springtime because of how fast I make the snow disappear. >> Wow. I've never even had a nickname. >> Death Wish. That's what everyone calls me because I'm always first through the door. >> Mhm. >> You go through doors normally and everyone calls you pineapples. >> My grandma calls me pineapples and I regret telling you that. >> Hello, sir. How are you today? I am Detective Wright all the time. And this is my partner, Detective. Terrible Detective Jake Peralta. Jay Peralta. Dr. Jacob Peralta, who has a PhD in slow jam studies from Funktown State University. Also involved was the right honorable J. >> Okay, I know. >> Well, well, well. If it isn't Joe Corala, >> that's it. You're under arrest. You left without me. >> You were late again. >> Well, I had to put on my undercover minivan disguise. Say hello to Harvey Norgan Bloom, CPA, recently divorced father of two with a dark sexual secret. >> What's your cover? angry captain. >> Okay, so you do not like my ensemble. >> I'm just concerned that you may find it hard to pursue a criminal on foot while wearing man's sandals. >> But the sandals define Harvey. He's a sandals guy. But >> Captain, why the babysitting? Why are you micromanaging me? >> You think I want to be sitting here with you instead of running my precinct? >> Yes. >> It was a rhetorical question. I've spent the last 12 years fighting for my first command, and I'm not going to let you screw it up because you refuse to take your job seriously. >> Hey, I do take my job seriously. I put away bad guys. That's what matters. >> Well, so does doing your paperwork, showing up on time, wearing proper footwear. >> That's on Harvey. It's not me. This is my girlfriend, Rosa. And this is my personal assistant, Mangie. Carl. >> Ah, it's nice to meet you. You can just call me Carl. >> Mangie Carl used to be a homeless gentleman. I work with a charity that finds jobs for down under luck white people. >> He's just a big old angel. He's been so good to the whites. For the brilliant mind of detective Jacob Sherlock Peralta, I legally changed my name. It's quite simply elementary. For you see, Amy made a face I only recognize from our bedroom, which means that she has Captain Holt. Charles has Terry. His eyes keep shifting over to him. >> No, they don't. >> Terry looked disgusted, which means he has Hitchcock. Rosa didn't draw a name, nor did she put one in. She doesn't want to participate. Never do. Hitchcock moves his mouth when he reads and he quite clearly said Charlles. >> I did get Charlles. >> Scully has Amy. He's holding his paper name side out. >> Oh, he's good. >> And I have Scully, which means Captain Hold has me. I'll be taking that gift card. Daddy loves nachos. >> Should we draw the names again and LEAVE JAKE OUT? >> YEAH. >> NO, SHERLOCK WANTS A PRESENT. >> HEY EVERYONE, I just want to introduce you to our new assistant manager, Larry Sherbet. >> Son of a We can't just waltz in there and buy whatever we want. They'll do a federal background check on Greg Stikney and Larry Sherbet and that will set off alarms in the marshall's office. >> Two prisoners have escaped from the Coral Palm Sheriff's Station in a daring daylight jailbreak. The men identified as Gregory Stikney and Larry Sherbet were arrested after a routine traffic stop revealed a cash of automatic weapons. >> Captain, let me tell you a little story. You remember when I fell through your ceiling? >> Yes, that was 6 hours ago. >> It was, I admit, a disastrous failure, but it gave me the idea for Herman, the friendly janitor you met. With Herman, I commenced the perfect crime. >> I caught you as Herman. >> But you didn't catch Rosa. >> Come out of there. >> Great news. I think I figured out my persona for this year's Tactical Village. >> Introducing Rex Buckingham, British secret agent, ballistics expert, and ladies man. >> Yeah, cuz what woman doesn't love a guy who's super into makebelieve? >> This whole training simulation is makeelieve. We shoot paint at fake bad guys. It's called acting. Tell me how I'm any different than George Clooney. All right, focus up. We got 18 minutes 41 seconds to break this record. No screwing around. >> Oh, you're really not going to do a character? What about Rex Bookingham? >> Okay, never ever do an accent again. And I am playing a character. A nononsense detective whose only goal is to set this course record. His name is Vic Kovak. He's an ex-Navy Seal who is double crossed and left for dead. I don't have time for his backstory, Serge. >> Okay, guys. And go. >> Only three per left. >> We might actually do this. I like the Kovac so much more than Jake Peralta. >> Oh yeah, Kovac. Let's uh find the man who stabbed my sister and get revenge for ruining my life and everything. >> You were double crossed and left for dead. >> I can't believe you remembered that. I also can't believe I didn't go with the sister stabbing. Emotionally, that is much richer. >> What's going on, Vick Kovac? >> All right, let's go over our covers one more time. We are smalltime operators that just moved here from Miami. We piloted GoFast boats moving contraband to Cuba. >> We slept with the same prostitute. No. And she said you were the best she ever had. >> Maybe. And I should watch you to learn. >> Back to no. Let's just not talk about our sex lives. >> How do you feel? >> Great. I could smother somebody in their sleep with this thing. Pregnancy is dope. >> Whoop whoop. That big old womb is not a weapon. Okay. It's just an excuse to talk to your doctors, aka Charles and me, in private. If you need to chat, just schedule an appointment with Brent Kennedy, OBGYn. >> And I'm Glenn Kennedy, OBGYn. We're twins, like Property Brothers, but for gynecology. >> No, I said no to that idea. You are Isaac Schwarz, my older Jewish mentor. And you are Isabelle Cortez. You're in for stabbing a man on the subway 46 times in the trachea. >> Tight. >> The pregnancy stuff is my area of expertise. Since Genevieve started fertility treatments, it's all we talk about. Now, show me your waddle. >> Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. >> Nice. >> Dr. Schwarz, I'm here for my appointment. >> Hello, Cortez. Shabbat shalom. >> Shabbat shalom. >> I don't know. Jake made me Jewish. All right, let's go over our disguises. I am Herbert Gothelman from San Diego. I came here to stand in the cold outside the Today Show holding a sign with a misspelled word on it. Oh, you know what? You win. That neon green fanny pack screams gullible tourist. >> It's mine. I brought it from home. >> Jake, this is my friend Bernice. >> Ah, hello. I'm Jack Tractive. >> Jack Tractive. >> Yes, my parents were hippies. So, that's 20 cargo ships in the last 3 months. Whoever's behind this smuggling ring knows their way around the dock. So, we're going undercover as long shoremen. I will be Von Tom Tucker, a gruff, spitting, punch you in the gut sailor man who's taking a little break on dry land, but just until my girlfriend Kangula gets out of Lady Jail. >> Did you just spit in my trash can? >> No, Van did. There's some tobacco in there, too. Von chews it, but it makes Jake super dizzy. And I'm Twink Tucker. You cannot choose your own name anymore. I got a job at the docks to support my drug habit, but I kept it because I love the seagulls. >> What are you, Irish now? >> No. >> Well, we better get going, Captain. Don't want to be late for our shift down to the docks. >> Good news. The leader of the cargo smuggling ring turned himself in at the 83. The mafia was closing in on them. >> Oh. Oh, that's great. It's good news. >> Yeah. Case closed. I guess we'll just return these outfits. Great. Take this back. >> You have 10 minutes. Coffee. Extra black, extra no sugar, and real warm. It gets cold on them ducks. I want a gray tea for me. Twinker. >> Nap, you ruined it. >> Table for two, please. >> I'm so sorry. There's nothing available. We're totally booked up. >> Oh, no. That's horrible. Tonight's a really important night for us. Johnny and I just got engaged and this is where our first date was. >> Oh, yeah. It would mean so much to Dora and me. I would have made a reservation, but I didn't know if she was going to say yes. >> Oh, I love how nervous you were, you little goose. >> You were just so sweet together. You know, I'm sure I can find room for two young lovers. >> Yeah, we are lovers together in beds. >> Okay. Sorry about spraying the engagement and romantic stuff on you. >> No, no, no. That was great. I mean, it's what got us in here. Cheat kiss was a bit much. Very wet. >> Well, I don't know what to tell you. Dora sloppy. >> Okay. And if you'll just follow me. >> Well, my honeymoon's over, Dora. We're back to being Jake and Amy. Two normal cops working a job. >> All right. There you go. >> Thanks. >> You're the couple that just got engaged. >> That's us, Johnny and Dora. A couple for sure. >> Okay, here's my cover. My name is Sherwin Lamond. Sculptor, painter, full-time barista. But once I sell my first piece, part-time barista. >> Oh, nice. I'm Donald Hobberman Sights. I wear glasses. >> Is that all you got? >> Sorry, I spent the cab right here imagining me and Genevieve kissing. >> Okay, just let me do the talking. I'm a fellow artist named Sherwin. >> I'm Donald Hobberman Sites. I wear glasses. >> Well, I know we're undercover, but I got to say, I'm dying to get a little tipsy at Wine Club and just dish with my new BFF, Lever. >> It's cute you think that. My mother doesn't dish is one of her better qualities. And you know who else she told to call her Leverne? The mailman. The substitute mailman. >> Hello, I'm Judge Hope. >> It's nice to meet you. I'm Tyrone Beverton, a Bordeaux enthusiast who sometimes dabbles in the Burgundies if forced. >> And I'm Tank Hendris. Moms love me. >> Oh, strange detail but believable. Oh. Uh, Daniela. >> These are two prospective members, Tyrone and Tank. Tyrone likes Bordeau and Tank is beloved by mothers. >> Great. Can I get your info for our database? >> Absolutely. I live at 100 Charming Avenue and Tyrone here is at 3282nd Street, right next to a Yuburn Pizza. >> Great. Enjoy your tasting. >> Thanks. >> 100 Charming Avenue. >> It's a real place. I looked it up specifically to make you mad. Okay, I'm going to go find and catch our per. Love you. Bye. >> Hey, where you going? >> To the dance contest. I am nationally recognized Fox Troder Dave Blethus and these are my proteges, >> Ronda Shawarma and Hank Frankle. >> I don't care who you are. Upstairs is closed to the public. >> Fine, but we didn't have to endure this crap when we danced in Barthalona. >> Jay, you put work ahead of everything else and it's not healthy. Remember Kagney and Lacy's third birthday party? I hired you as Jacel's the clown. How'd that go? And Jeremy the giraffe has a very long neck. That's it. Laer was strangled. This is so awesome. When I was a kid, I said I wanted to be a BMX detective and they laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now? Kenny Yarro. Kenny actually opened up a chain of salad places. He's doing quite well for himself. >> Oh, hey, what if they can tell you're amazing but a little rusty and therefore kind of bad. >> Not to worry. BMX is 99% attitude. So, here's the plan. My name is Tyler Omaha. Born and raised in SoCal. Point me to a quarter pipe and I'm going to tell it for days, bro. >> And I'm your roller skating sidekick, Chip Rockets. >> Welcome aboard, Chip Rockets. >> Thank you. >> And you're married to the roller skates? >> 100%. >> Roller skates it is. >> Right. >> Just cuz you're only going to be in the car. >> 100%. Jake. >> Chip Rockets. >> Chip Rockets. >> You okay, Jake? >> Well, aside from the fact that the 99's hearing is in 4 hours and we're definitely getting shut down. No, I bruised my thigh. >> It's going to be just fine, Jake. >> No, it isn't, Charles. It's on my right hip. I sleep on that side. It was stupid of me to think I can make this the best case ever. Let's just go back to the precinct so you can make me hot cocoa. >> I can't believe I'm going to say this, but no, I will not make you hot coco. >> Charles, I have a bruise. >> I won't do it. Not when there's still a chance we could save the 99. >> What are you talking about? >> When he took down that guy, BODIE. >> CHIP ROCKETS. >> I'VE PLANTED a bug with a GPS tracker on him. >> Chip rockets, you beautiful bastard. >> Chip actually is a bastard. Never knew either of his parents. Raised by the rink. Ooh, badass backstory. >> Stole from a TV movie. It was about ice dancing, but I adapted it for the hardwood. >> That makes it way worse, but I'm going to move past it. Let's track down Bodie and save the precinct. >> There they are. We are 0.1524 km away. I have no idea what that means, but it's still pretty cool. Charles, can you hear what they're saying? >> Uh, no. >> Really? It looks like they're talking. >> They're not. They're definitely not talking. >> I can see their lips moving. Wait a minute. >> Why won't you tell me what they're saying? >> They're making fun of Tyler Omaha. >> Oh, what? I thought I was pretty good. >> Me, too. And you definitely don't look anything like Rachel Matto. >> Oh, come on. >> AND A bottle of rum presents. >> God, you're bad at being Santa. >> Jake, holy crap. 9:00. >> The Pontiac Bandit, aka Doug Judy. Okay, Santa, stay calm. Just like we practiced. >> Merry Judy, Mr. Doug Judy. Christmas. Damn it. >> Carza. No. >> OH, YOU RING TOP. YES. GREASY. >> BY THE WAY, Tito do, he spooks real easy. No, there's no way you're going in alone. We're coming with you. I've already got my cover story worked out. My name is Dante Thunderstone. I stole my first car at the tender age of nine. >> You have to fend for yourself since your mother was struck by lightning. >> While she was pregnant with me, she passed. I lived. Some say that MAKES ZEUS MY DAD. >> MYTHIC. THAT'S DOPE. And Rosa, you could be my wife. >> Rosa, >> why would you take your wife with you to meet a drug dealer? >> Cuz we partners in everything we do. I'm clean. >> Watch it. >> Where you get those shoes, man? There he is. Tito, what's up, my man? >> Doug, Judy, who are they? Oh, >> it's my bodyguard, Selena. We doing it on the DL. >> He's an amazing lover. I'M PREGNANT. >> OH, NICE. And this here is my partner, Dante Thunderstone, the one and only blat. >> So, what's our strategy here? I'm thinking maybe we could do the whole thing in character. I'll play Detective Bart Barley. Tightly wound, hates violence against animals. And you're my partner, Gerald Jimes. A man who solved every crime, but one, the murder of his wife. >> We're all to take this seriously. >> I am as seriously as you're taking the search for the man who killed Jane Jimes. Your only clue? He wore a yellow sweater. You're considering it. Let's get in there. >> Griff. Hey, Doug. Judy. Hey. What can I do for you? >> Hey, did my brother stop by? I heard he jacks some nice cars and I might have a buyer. This is Maxine Dubois, international millionaire. Go you. >> He doesn't speak any English. This is his lawyer, Carl Merson. >> Hey, I'm a lawyer. >> Maxine wants to buy a Shelby Cobra. I hear George might have one. He just dropped off a few cars, but he didn't say anything about no Cobra. I mostly deal with scrapping crap, you know. Son of a Is everything all right here, Maxine? You're speaking good English. >> It's just a few phrases he picked up from movies and such. He's disappointed. He really wanted that cobra. You know the French so passionate. Even their skunks. Pepe lew. It doesn't matter. I'm a lawyer. No further comments. Do you know what George is? Maybe I could do business with him myself. >> Gertie. >> What? >> That was French for I got to make a phone call. He's got to make a phone call. Frenchman's. The focus of our investigation is a guy named Brandon Jacobe. He did seven years at Riker FOR ASSAULT. WE SPENT two weeks undercover infiltrating the gym. Gymfiltrating it. I coined that. I think it'll really catch on if more people infiltrated gyms. We believe that Jacobe can link us to the distributors, but he only talks to trainers and other muscle heads. So, we want to bring in the Sarge. His name will be Trent Carter, a personal trainer, bouncer, and assistant manager at PetSmart. It's the economy. What can you do? >> You ready, Sarge? I was born ready and then I was not born ready for a while, but now I'm back to being born ready. >> Yes, the ebony falcon soarses again. >> The ebony falcon. His feathers are muscles. >> Let's talk strategy later tonight at my house. My wife's working late. I'm on daddy duty. >> But you're ready for this, right? >> Absolutely. I just need to put my precious babies to bed with a story. The ebony falcon needs to read go dog. Go. What's up? >> Good workout. >> You know, it's weird. I've never worked out with you before. What' you say your regular gym was? >> I didn't. Brooklyn Boat Fitness, >> huh? I work out there, too. Never heard of any trend. >> I don't know why. I work out there all the time. Really? Starting when? >> NYPD. HANDS ON your head. >> My god, you're gigantic. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PERALTA? YOU JUST BLEW MY COVER. >> Or did I save your life? >> Or did you compromise an investigation and piss off a superior officer? I'm sensing from your tone it's that one. All right, we're all set for the sting. We got hidden cameras, wireless mics, and tactical teams by all the exits. I told Vladimir to meet Vance Vandervaven, aka me here at 10. Said that I was filling in for Jacobe. You and I will be sparring when he arrives. >> Cool. I boxed at the academy. He invented a new weight class for me. You're looking at the undisputed bubble weight champion. >> Hello everyone. My name is Roger Strikewell and I will be your guest auctioneer this evening. So many faces to look at. I won a radio contest and I'm so excited to be here tonight to sell you all of these cool old Greek things. What are you doing? You're NYPD. You're supposed to be hostages. Supposed to be. But we rose up and took down the terrorists. That's right. We are the bad guys now. >> Is this some sort of game to you? Does this sound like a game? I am a terrorist leader. My name is Francis Gruber. My brother Hans died at Nakatomi Tower at the hands of John Mlan. Also, I'm related to Jeremy Irons from the third one. Two whisies, please. Shantel. Thanks. Say, I'm looking for an old Sky pal of mine. Do you know Roger Peralta? >> Yes. Yes, I do. How do you guys know Peralta? >> I used to fly with him back in Oregon. My name is Captain Spike Masters as my co-pilot, Wanda Cohen. >> I drive the plane when he sleeps. I also take care of hotel accommodations. >> Where'd you guys say you flew in from? >> Connected in Akran. Took the old 78 niner on the Windstream, you know, flight stuff. Anyhow, >> can you grab those two whisies, please? >> I do not know who you are, and I do not think you are pilots. Your suit doesn't even fit. >> I had my stomach stable. >> Security. Security. >> Unand us. This is outrageous. I demand to speak with the Commodore himself. >> There's no way we'll get her fingerprints now. Oh, really? Voila. French. She cleaned the bar quite thoroughly, but this bottle is filthy with her prints. >> Smur, that's why you're the pilot and I'm the co-pilot. Copy that, Wanda. Copy that. Wanda Cohen, >> look, man. We need to know where Hitchcock is. I am ordering you to tell us everything. >> Fine. We're setting up a stink. I'm going undercover as text Dallas. Billionaire oil man from Dallas, Texas with ties to the cowboy mafia. Oh boy. >> Hitchcock's my middleman. Reno Vegas. mobster from Reno, Las Vegas. >> I said my old boy too soon. >> In 20 minutes, he's going in totally alone, unarmed, without a cell phone to meet with one of their guys to set up a buy. So, how do you like our plan now? >> It's a disaster, man. We got to stop it. So, what's the plan? >> We stick with Operation Beans. You knock on the front door. I say, "I'm Text Dallas. You're my buddy Alamo, and you're Black Fred." >> Black Fred? WHY BLACK FRED? THERE'S NO OTHER FRED. >> YEAH, but they don't know that. >> Here we come, Chickp. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy. Howdy there. I'd really appreciate it kindly if y'all would stop punching my associate Reno there. Let me introduce myself. My name is Alamo. This year's text and this is >> Fred. Just Fred. >> And we are the Dallas Buyers Club. >> Okay, we make a deal. Sounds good. >> No, I just told him to surround you. Dag heaven. >> Okay, I'm thinking classic us. I'm thinking old times. I'm thinking ringy ringgity role players. >> Okay. I'm Jacqu Gom and you are Enri Renault. We are catburgers on vacation from France. >> I love it. Although Enri went to an elite international school, so he does not speak with an accent. >> Oh, nice way to flesh out the characters. >> Thank you. Okay, so I break the back window. Make my way over to the jewelry case. Meanwhile, you're standing. Look out. We we >> the front door >> smoking a cigarette. >> Okay, >> check it. Ash. >> OOH LA LA. OKAY, so I am smoking. >> What are you doing? >> Ah, Jacqu rules his own cigarettes. A habit he picked up from a prostitute, Marseilles. But that is not all he picked up. >> Why do all your characters get STDs? >> Because they're living life. >> All right, so I go to the first case, smash, steal a bunch of watches, move over to the second case, smash bracelets. But then we hear a sound and I yell, "Let's do arms. It's DC. >> And I know what that means because I'm French, but I ask you to repeat it in English just to be sure. >> POLICE ARE HERE. >> YES. WE GOT TO get out of here. So, we turn to leave. You flick your cigarette. He's in the cane. He's in the cane. This is awesome. Voila. See? But I thought Enri didn't have an accent. It comes out when he gets excited. You Severino. Who wants to know? >> I'm Cal. This is Billy. We used to buy from Rosario, but he got busted by the feds, and we're looking for a new hookup. >> Guys, we got company. There's a lady with a dog and a man with a ponytail. Another lady with a dog. Two dogs back to back, guys. Is that fishy? >> I knew Rosario. >> Seems fishy to me. There's a lot of dogs. >> How's come I never heard of you? >> It's a lot of dogs. >> You can ask Rosario's guys on top of each other. If you think it's weird, just cough once for yes, twice for no. >> I didn't come here to be accused of something. We can buy from somebody else. >> Jake, I need an answer. Why is nobody coughing? >> Oh, ho ho ho. Hold up. I got a right to know who I might be in business with. >> I need an answer on the dog thing. Is Is it weird? Can somebody cough? >> Whose cough was that? Was that you, Jake? If it was you, cough twice. If it was somebody else, cough three times. Sorry, bad allergy day. Pollen count is off the charts. >> Pollen count? Oh man, how do you come up with that stuff? >> Okay, first of all, Rosa, you look amazing. Secondly, I made an appointment at the salon with Nikki for you under the name Gabriella Fuentes. Des San Miguel Estrada. I had fun with the name. >> Clearly, >> here's the plan. Gabriella Fuentes San Miguel Estrada gossips about her love life. Then Nikki opens up about hers. >> Yeah, this is the problem. I suck at gossiping, >> which is why I brought along a specialist. Gina will be in your ear feeding you stories. I will be basing Gabriella on my sister's friend, Dana. Just be warned, Dana real sloppy. >> What was that? >> I don't know, but don't worry. I'll creep them right the hell out of here. >> Hello. Who's sneaking around back here? >> Bang. You're dead. And so is Kevin. >> Oh, thank God it's just you. Wait, no. This is bad in a different way. >> What are you doing? You brought my husband to a public place. >> He's undercover. We're perverts. See, >> you're not fooling anyone. Kevin's zipper is up. For God's sake, >> how do I look? >> Uh, you definitely made a choice. You almost look like >> speed racer, right? This is exactly what he wears. And the best part is I can use the cruise ship to start the race. >> Well, I wanted this off to feel normal, and it does. This is quintessential Charles. >> Okay, let's go over the back. I can start. >> Actually, it's maybe better for me to go first so you can make some internal edits before you say yours out loud. >> Perfect. After you. >> Great. My name is Axel Richards. I've been driving stolen cars since I was 6 years old. >> Wow, that's young. Oh yeah, I had to use a whiffle ball bat just to reach the gas pedal and I never learned to use the brakes. >> That sounds so dangerous. >> Not if you know what you're doing. >> Great response. >> Thank you. Anyways, things went south when I got addicted to drugs after my best friend died in an active shooter situation. Oh, I see what I did there. >> Bill, is that you? >> Yes, it's me, Bill. Hello. You seem different. >> Nope. I'm still the same old Bill Homer Trout who grew up in Bean Station, Tennessee, and shaves his armpits. Anyway, meet the new recruit I signed up. >> News recruit. Boom. Boom. >> Boom. Boom. My name is Barry St. Barry and I can't wait to get inside and unlock my neutra future. Let me in. Let me in. Let me in. >> Love your energy. Boom. Boom. >> I love your energy. Boom. Boom. >> Get out there. >> We believe that wind has ties to the Inui crime family. >> That's one of the best crime families. >> We needed you to get fired for real because the Inuisi have moles inside the NYPD and we need them to trust you. Detective, we'd like you to go undercover and help us with the investigation. >> Okay. The answer is yes. The details are My name is Duncan Buck. I was raised on an oil rig by 90 men and one prostitute. We'd like you to be yourself. >> Even better. Heat. Heat.