Early morning on December 15, 2017, Keith Thurston stole a swan-shaped pedalo and marooned himself on a small fountain in Orlando's Lake Eola. Thurston's middle-of-the-night-misadventure was fueled by a "large quantity of Molly." ("Molly" is a street name for MDMA, commonly known as "Ecstasy.") According to the police report, "He stated he took the swan boat out onto the lake to be with the swans, and paddled it to the fountain, because "the swans don’t judge him."" Things went wrong when Thurston reached the Lake Eola fountain and disembarked. For probably obvious reasons, Thurston neglected to secure his ride and the stolen swan boat floated away. Taking with it the rest of his drugs. And his driver's license. And so it came to be that a 36-year-old man was stranded on a tiny island in the middle of Lake Eola, high as a kite on December 15, 2017. Thurston began screaming for help. He was rescued around 0400. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you can't make this stuff up. Note: The color noise in this video is present in the original recording.